Wednesday, 27 August 2008

More holy humbug

"The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and cooperation. It will preserve and defend those basic principles on which our nation has been built. It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality, and the family as the basis of national life."

- Adolf Hitler, ‘My New World Order’, Proclamation to the German Nation at Berlin, February 1, 1933


"I feel like God wants me to run for President. I can't explain it, but I sense my country is going to need me. Something is going to happen... I know it won't be easy on me or my family, but God wants me to do it."

- George W. Bush commenting to Texas evangelist James Robinson in the run-up to his 2000 presidential campaign


"And I just -- I cannot speak strongly enough about how we must collectively get after those who kill in the name of -- in the name of some kind of false religion".

- George W. Bush, press appearance with King Abdullah of Jordan, Aug. 1,2002

Thursday, 14 August 2008

Amnesiac America

US Defence Secretary Robert Gates "ruled out the use of US military force in Georgia, saying there was 'no prospect' of American troops being deployed in the region. Military personnel will only be used in a humanitarian capacity to deliver aid to civilians, Gates said."

They said that about Vietnam, didn't they?

Saturday, 9 August 2008

Which one is the Antichrist?

Mc Cain or Obama? Read all about it here.

If you ask me, they both are. And Hillary is the Scarlet Woman.

Birds of a feather, or holy humbug

"I believe that God wants me to be president."  - George W. Bush

"I would like to thank Providence and the Almighty for choosing me of all people to be allowed to wage this battle for Germany," - Hitler, Berlin, March,1936

"God is not on the side of any nation, yet we know He is on the side of justice. Our finest moments [as a nation] have come when we faithfully served the cause of justice for our own citizens, and for the people of other lands."
- George W. Bush

"If we pursue this way, if we are decent, industrious, and honest, if we so loyally and truly fulfill our duty, then it is my conviction that in the future as in the past the Lord God will always help us." - Adolf Hitler, at the Harvest Thanksgiving Festival on the Buckeburg held on 3 Oct. 1937

"Freedom and fear, justice and cruelty have always been at war, and we know that God is not neutral between them." - George W. Bush

"Never in these long years have we offered any other prayer but this: Lord, grant to our people peace at home, and grant and preserve to them peace from the f
oreign foe!" - Hitler, Nuremberg, Sept. 13, 1936.

Thursday, 7 August 2008

Out of my pet goat's mouth

President George W. Bush has solemnly announced that "The US believes the people of China deserve the fundamental liberty that is the natural right of all human beings."

This from the man who is responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent people around the world, and for the drastic curtailment of the civil liberties of his own citizens.

Words fail me.

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

To Fry or not to Fry?

[And, with a tip of the Wook lid to Dr Batrachius! -- ed]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we can look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. Or,

2) If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a merciful divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting:

“Oh my God!”

This student received an A+.

Emmett R Smith